... Jan. 28th

http://pl.st/p/10779929099    (Click above link to hear Elvis' How Great Thou Art... just for you Mom!)

... Alright.  So here I go.  And I’m not sure how this will all turn out.

This evening I sat on my side of the couch with a crochet hook and a “Crocheting Made Easy” pamphlet… what ran through my brain was simple, “what and the heck was I thinking in never learning how to do this from you, really, how did I miss this?”

Today is Sunday.  Tomorrow Monday, predictable I know.  But it will be more than that for me. 

Tomorrow would be your 62^nd Birthday.  And what runs through my brain now is, “how will I miss this?”  I’ve already been thinking about tomorrow for a good couple of weeks.  You’d say I am crazy and all of this is nonsense.  But it’s one of those things that keeps creeping up on me. The more I try to not think about it the more it nags the living soul right out of me and I get lost.  So, I decided that instead of trying to not think about it, that I would instead try to do my best and - just feel.

And it hurts. 
Bad.
Simply put.
So I put that back on the shelf for the time being.

And I decided that I would try and write something special for the occasion.  I remember writing about Grandpa Tom, and Pop, and Granny.  I remember how it felt important to write about their impact on me and how I felt losing them.  It proved to be therapeutic in their case.

So, what shall I write?
The words are not there.  I really am at a loss.

At the moment, a candle burns near me on the table and I have an amazing glass of wine to sip.  Today the sleet and snow came down and iced the roads over… Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that I really don’t need to go to your grave tomorrow.  I mentioned to the older kids at supper about tomorrow.  I guess I just wanted them to know ahead of time if something wasn’t right with me. 

Anna, in her infinite wisdom, raised her hands above her head and said, “So she’ll have her birthday in Heaven? It will be the best birthday ever for her!”   How does she do that?  And Forest wanted to know what kind of cake there would be.  … So then I was left feeling a bit deflated.  Like, great, they just put things into perspective for me.  Although I know you’d be proud because you always lived with the philosophy that life goes on. 

Like usual, I think of Mary and how she “pondered all those things in her heart.”  And I realize that so much can be lost in translating the details.  That it’s the bigger picture that means the most sometimes.  Maybe that is why Anna said what she did.  You’re in Heaven and really that is all that matters. 

So, I maybe should forget about my missed phone call tomorrow wishing you Happy Birthday!.  Forget about how, now that I’m just an hour away from where you lived, that we probably could’ve met for lunch, on your Birthday, for the first time since I left home.  Forget about whatever special things tomorrow may have brought into our lives.  You always taught us that no one is ever guaranteed a tomorrow anyway.  Those are all just details.

The bigger picture is that… You are my Mom and I miss you terribly.  I would give anything for a phone call.  Life is moving forward and we are all grieving in different ways.  But, for me it’s just a scratch beneath the surface, sometimes hidden, but still quite raw and sore and comes out when I don’t really expect it to. 

Maybe the timing is off … But it was worth a shot.

Happy Birthday Mom, I love you!

... 1st Day of School 2012



...Summer has come and gone, that is all that I want to say about that at the moment.  Sigh.  No, no, no.  BIG SIGH.  Possibly even a "cleansing breath" please.

 

In other news, my LITTLE DUCKS started school today. (However, by the time I finish this, today may actually have turned into tomorrow... ha ha...or possibly next week, but does it matter?)

 

It really is kinda a big deal this year because last year I home schooled that scrunchy nosed 1st grader on the right.  THANK GOD WE ALL SURVIVED.  No, really it wasn't that bad, rather fun most days, and I learned more about myself teaching her everything she needed to know in Kindergarten than I did when I left home so independently to join the Army. 

In fact, I enjoyed it so much I contemplated doing it again this year for a grand total of five seconds.  I probably would've contemplated it slightly longer, and actually taken the commitment step of solitary confinement  homeschooling again this year, except God has clearly layed out a different path for us this year. 

 

And here I am, at a loss for words.

      

 



~ my Ann Voskampish moment #1...

I call it a "hot site" in my favorites toolbar. No. The toolbar on my computer, not the list of sites that you see here on my blog that I've gathered over the years. Well... actually the site is over there, wow I almost forgot. And lookee there... it's right at the very top... A Holy Experience - Ann Voskamp. You should go check her out, you'll be glad you did.

Ok, so where was I... yes, yes... I wanted to share something that I am going to pride myself in calling an Ann Voskampish posting here.

And maybe you'll agree, maybe you will disagree, only time will tell.

I'm sure many have heard of, or even read, Ann Voskamp. Isn't she just amazing? Ok, not "just amazing," but a gifted, full of wisdom flowing from above, writer and photographer. Yes, I know she's not officially a photographer, but have you seen some of her pictures? Seriously. She's gifted in that realm too. So, when it comes to reading Ann's site I often find myself thinking, "if only I could see things that way, always." But, if that were the case then I could potentially be Ann Voskamp and she could potentially be out of a job. However, that would be like the least of her worries because she is not concerned with job security. She has set her success where most of us should. And just today I had an Ann Voskampish moment...

For the most part, everything was completely ordinary.

See, it's already a typical Ann moment because her whole purpose is to help others see the beauty (God's gift) in everything ordinary.

The day was drawing to the beginning of the end. You know, just after supper, when "bellies are full right through" (that's Ann lingo.) Caleb kept holding intently onto his cob of corn and managed to fill a diaper while doing so. I told you... ordinary. But, it gets better, just practice patience, it's something that we all need to do and I've been working hard at it, as well as making sure my children practice it too.

Deep Breath. Exhale.

"Off to do the dishes!" I say. And everyone scatters to the wind. Hubby handled the diaper because he's awesome! And the other two loved the fact that I blasted some Elvis on the iPod dock. While the day was drawing down the house was still in a vroomy upbeat mood.

Of course, the dishwasher was full of clean (well supposed to be clean - all depends on the mood of the dishwasher) dishes, so I opted to do them "olde fashioned" --- And that my friends is when the moment arose!

Ann would be on the edge of her seat too...

I stopped (ok, not really stopped, but did decide to take some pictures) and reflected on a story I heard at a "Birthing from Within" class that took in Atlanta, GA.

It was a story about how an American went to live with a monk ... and I am going to paraphrase a lot here... somewhere over in Asia. One night after supper the American stood up quickly to do the dishes and the monk stopped him and commented on how Americans are always trying to get to the "next thing." The American question him and the monk explained his philosophy. He asked the American if he ever did the dishes to just do the dishes. Or if he always did the dishes so he could be done with the dishes and have tea afterwards.  The American agreed that it was to be done with them and to have tea.

Or coffee, or ice cream, or cookies, or watch a movie, or go to bed, or to get on Face Book... you can fill in the blank.

The monk taught the American a valuable lesson in sharing that when he does the dishes he "washes the dishes to wash the dishes." Meaning he STAYS IN THE MOMENT and takes it all in.   And probably more than just taking it all in, he probably grew in those moments by paying attention to all the little details that are so often "un"regrettably looked over.

Have you ever thought that washing dishes could be a calming, relaxing, JOYFUL (Ann!) experience? Just think of all the senses that could be aroused.

The feel of warm water, the sound of it running and splashing like a mountain stream.

The scent of the soap, whether it be lemon, lavender, or just plain soapy.

The sight of BUBBLES.

The cleaning of dirt and grime off of a sparkling glass.

The sound of kids laughing in the background, or maybe a bird.

The ray of sun shining in the sink.

It's all beautiful.

Well, at least it was for me when I remembered the story and what it meant to "wash the dishes to wash the dishes." There. Right there in my kitchen sink. I found a little piece of joy, the glistening sparkles of Dawn dish soap bubbles glittering in the sun, while I washed dishes tonight. I thought they were just beautiful, so bright and sparkling, almost like the diamonds in my wedding ring. Not to mention, I got a little creative with my camera and creating a story line for this post. All from a simple moment of reflection. Thanks to Ann Voskamp and an Asian guy...

Gems...

Because every once and a while one might find themselves stumbling upon a "Gem."  Or at least that is the word that keeps running through my brain each time I hang out with this crew... 

GEM



You can just tell my looking at them!  They have something special.  (And if you can't see it, you're blind.)  They show more love than a million others out there.  They are completely simple, yet catching and exciting all at the same time.  I am tempted to look up the word gem just to see if my thoughts are descriptive enough. 

If I could give the word gem a definition it would include the names of people. 

Maggie and Ollie.  Granny.  Ms. Schutze. Mrs. Fisher.  At my age now, my own parents.  Joe and Lois.  Grandpa Tom.  Sally and Gus.  Doris. Ernie and Martha. Erika.  Julie. Alicia.  Alecia.  Debbie.  Lily. Ann. LeighAnn. Pastor Peters and Amy.  Jason.  I suppose my husband too. (but he's much more than a gem!) ... All from different stages and phases, but all have made a certain impact.  One that has set them apart from others.  

Now here comes my "wishy washyness" and I'm beginning to think, "Oh!  I should include them, and them, and them.  And don't forget about her, and her.  Oh, and them, and them, and them."  Of course, I would want all my friends to know that they are special and loved by me and have impacted me in some way. Yes!  I love you for sure!   But, sorry folks, like I said earlier... sometimes you come upon someone or something that just slathers the icing right on top of the cake!  And this is what I'm referring to here. 

So... what's the story?  It really isn't anything fancy dancy or whatnot.  We were just headed out of church one day and they introduced themselves.  And we like to visit too, so that probably helped.  We were invited out to visit for "hot dogs for the kids."  Of course we would love to come and visit.  Once, twice, third time unannounced, four, ... and a "hey... do you mind if we come out and sort of celebrate a certain five year old's Birthday?  We're in the middle of a move and he really loves running wild at your place and hasn't made too many friends here... (really just one, their grandson.)  Please don't do anything extra, we will bring cake and ice cream and have some simple fun." 

Uh.  Well, their "nothing extra" really was a WHOLE LOT OF FUN (you'll see below.)  Not just a few fireworks, but more like 45 minutes of fireworks for the kiddos to blow apart!  Lots of running, giggling, screaming, teasing, GHOST STORIES, VW bug rides, cardboard box rides, a treasure hunt, and lots of laughing and visiting.  Talk about a day that I wish lasted much much longer.  Honestly.

Thank you dear friends for loving on my family while we were here.  Our time was cut way to short and that is the truth!  I know my kiddos will ask about the "Pine Mountain people" for a looooong time.  They call you "Honey" just as your own grandkids do and that makes me smile and feel sad all at the same time.  You are a blessing to us and we hope nothing more than that our paths will cross again sometime.  You visit us, we'll visit you, doesn't matter... but let's do it!  I hope you know how comfortable we felt hanging out with you guys, you made us feel like part of your family, which is something that is extra special to Military Families.  Thank you always. 

"We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers."  1Thessalonians 1:2

Fruits of the Spirit...

The Fruits of the Spirit... (part 1a)  LOVE AND PEACE.   Yes, I know, the Fruits of the Spirit do not go in that order, but our colors for this week are red and blue, hence LOVE AND PEACE.

They were doing such a fine job.  The day was smoothing along just blissfully ... really it was. 
The morning to afternoon  to evening. 
Supper time.
But of course, one last errand to be run ... that NEEDED TO BE DONE ... RIGHT NOW.

 This was me in my loving demeanor, patiently telling the "lucky winner"
that he'd better hurry up and eat his food if he wanted to come with me. 

(note:  first time ever for someone to catch a picture of me in such a peaceful state, really.  not so pretty.)

All of which was followed by a very PEACEFUL RESPONSE...

 ... or whaling and gnashing of teeth, as some may describe it.  not me.

 ...by which ALL PARTIES were involved.  kind of.

 ...but, some may have handled more appropriately than others!

OH BOY!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  - Galations 5:22 & 23

Oh, how I wish I could do that all the time... EVERY TIME. 

Of course, I fail. I mean, who doesn't? But, that's not the point.

I am glad that when things get hairy and hectic I am able to go to that verse quickly and remember.  Love.  Joy.  Peace.  Patience.  Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness.  Gentleness - ah, sweet gentleness. and Self-Control.  Self-Control? I mean, what is that?  It's a good thing they put that one at the end huh? ...  (I know for a fact that my husband, if reading this, is probably thinking ... "she reaches for the Fruits of the Spirit?  Yeah. Right.")

But I do try.  And I try.  And I try.  And I try some more. 

The point is ...you can ALWAYS COME BACK TO THEM whenever you want to, or need to, or must do.  And if you ever try something just once, especially if it's good tasting you'll probably try it again.  And try some more.  And try some more.  And more... and...  you get my drift.

~ Merry Christmas...

     Because this year I only ordered about 1/3rd of the amount of Christmas cards needed.  I have no idea what I was thinking, or rather not thinking.  "Sure, 25 should do it."  Do what?  ... Only drive ME crazy when I mail off the last one and still have eighty more pages left in ye olde address book.  Someone please remind me next year to do what I normally do every year ... MAKE A LIST!

Circa:  Feb/March 2000

Almost 12 years ago.

(Country's - Columbus, GA - following Josh's Ranger School Graduation)

      And all I can do is help myself from smiling and giggling at all the memories that have happened since then.  ... I mean, at this very moment the two eldest are running like crazy through the house screaming, "YOU ARE FLYING!!!"  ... and here I am attempting to reflect, be creative, and all that jazz. (Oh, why didn't I stay up past 1am to write this in silence, sigh.) 

     When I look at that photo above what I see are two young folks from two very different worlds that just so happened to fall into the best friendships one could imagine.  Of course, none of it was by chance because when you look back on your life it's hard not to see impossible not to see where God's hand was IN IT ALL!  The meeting, the dating, the marriage.  All leading to raising children and growing through every aspect of this life together.  I can truly say that I am blessed and more importantly I feel lucky to have that understanding.  (ok, kids are screaming again... ten seconds of reflection out the window.)

Circa: last night

Almost 12 hours ago.

(Country's - Columbus, GA - back to where it all began.)

     The latest:  Josh is about half way through with his Manuever Captains Career Course here at Ft. Benning.  We have some bright changes ahead in his career, but I'm not sure at what liberty I have to post any of that here.  But, it's all good!  Anna is one of the best big sisters out there.  She's lively, entertaining, smart, giddy, and a kindergartener this year.  We started her in piano lessons and while she groans at practicing, I love the sound of all of it!  Lately, her forte is to try and tell jokes which has proven to be a funny feat in itself.  She is the star of her own show and we are her biggest fans!  Forest -  I think the picture explains it all.  He has been making friends with Chuck, a paint horse at a nearby farm that he's been learning to ride.  Baby Caleb started talking about a month ago.  Unfortunately, everyone else makes so much noise he can hardly get a word in edge wise. 

     That's about it in a nutshell.  Some may call it an everyday ordinary life - sounds good to me!

     Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
  

     Oh... and as for me, oops!  I almost forgot.  I'm here, doing the SAHM thing, maintaining my image of a kindergarten teacher for my pupil at home, plucking away at my doula certificaton, and most recently in the process of changing a diaper.  FUN TIMES!   

     Merry Christmas again, and have a Happy, Joyous, Fun filled year ahead!

...whew.

~ finally....

One that....

Looks like...

ME!!

The Goat Experience...

Recently, we tooled through a quaint farmer's market in Winona, MN and were immediately sucked in to a booth selling goat milk soap. The cool thing about this booth was that; for one, it was selling soap and not the redundant tomatoes and cucumbers like all the other booths, and two, the soaps themselves were extremely eye catching and smelled amazing!
Allow me to introduce you to SIMPLE SOAPS an organic soap company located in the rolling countryside of Dover, MN.

Now, if you know anything about our little family you'd know how we can be a bit curious and typically willing to try anything (within reason of course.) So, when Shanna extended an invitation for us to visit her goat dairy to learn how to make soap and milk a goat we were SOLD! I mean what else are you gonna do in Southeastern MN on vacation right?? (That's a joke people... because, if you don't live there and go for a visit, you'll find that there's actually quite a bit to do... yay Minnesota!) OK, anyway... So, what you see below is a slideshow of our visit to Shanna's.

To me, milking a goat felt an awful lot like squeezing a squishy water balloon. I must say it was way easier than I thought it would be. I always have that mental picture of the "city slicker" trying to milk a cow by hand and all they do is squeeze, squeeze, squeeze and "nothin!" We milked two goats to get the amount of milk you see in the pitcher.

Shanna did an awesome job explaining all the cool details about the goats and the soap making process. Soap making is a rather tedious process and requires very specific measurments and temperatures. Shanna is a wiz at it though and has pretty much perfected her craft. I highly suggest that if you ever get a chance to purchase her soaps to do so, indulge yourself in them... they are beautiful, smell wonderful, make your skin feel great, and are NON-TOXIC unlike all the soaps you find in a store!

Oh, and BTW... *Kefir (in case you're like me and didn't quite know what it was) is a soury tasting drink that can be sweetened, but provides a multitude of benefits for your digestive tract and your immune system because it contains a ton of probiotics. It can also be used to make sourdough bread, yogurt, and sour cream... yum!