Treasure...

Yes... this is me. I obviously have no clue as to when it was taken. By the looks of it, Caleb was probably around 4 or 5 months old. Closer to 5 I think. I had no idea about this photo, but happened to stumble upon it while going through the 496 photos that are on my SD card. (and yes. I still have photos on there from last Halloween, but hey it's allllll gooooood!)

But, this photo, like most things in my life, brought this crazy wonderful thing called Motherhood straight to the forefront of my mind. As, if it wasn't already there all the time anyway, cha!

I'll be honest to admit that it's not all super glamorous or anything. I sometimes hear moms say things like (practice your falsetto voice here) "Oh, I just love, love, LOVE being a Mom! My kid's are the best! They make me smile every single moment of every single day! I could have 80 of them! Really, 80 and I have a list of names already picked out and ready to go! My kids are so perfect and there isn't anything that they ever do to get in trouble! I am a perfect mom and my kids are perfect children! Aren't yours??" ----> OK, I'm lying, I have never really heard any mom say that. Ever.

If anything, I am the one that puts the most pressure on myself in regards to the mothering that I do for my children and for my children's behavior. (Oh, my, this is kinda turning into a therapy session, isn't it... it's OK, I'm only on my first glass of wine.) And, it wouldn't be so far fetched to say that I sorta want my motherhood experience to be somewhat easy, carefree, relaxed, and enjoyable as all get out. I do! I mean, who really ever wants to experience all the bumps in the road? All the agonizing moments that bring us to tears because we've done something that we never thought we'd have to do as a "Mommy?" Yes, I'll be the first to jump up and wave my hand and scream... I WANT TO BE THE PERFECT MOMMY!!!! .
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But, then you can't do anything but ask yourself... where would that really get me in life?
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Would it bring the pleasure of knowing how sweet it is to finally hear your children learn how to apologize and FORGIVE on their own after ... oh, 15 THOUSAND time-outs for doing something mean to their sibling? Probably not.
Would there be delight in hearing the bursting laughter following the shocking stare in the car after you were in such a rush to get out of the door that one kid put on the other kids' shoes backwards?? Nope. (yes, this really did happen.)
Would there be love comparable to the unrelenting sleepless nights lost in watchful waiting for a little one's fever to break? Uh... no.
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Or what about the things that just get us through each day?

Like, knowing what your kiddos want for breakfast without asking because you (and they) have grown so used to the daily rotation of cereal and OJ, yogurt and toast w/ OJ, oatmeal and OJ... cereal and OJ, yogurt and toast w/ OJ, oatmeal and OJ... YES MAKING PANCAKES MAKES ME THE BEST MOMMY EVER FOR LIKE ... 10 minutes. But that counts.
The non-poshy things like becoming a pro at changing fifteen blow-out diapers every day for 18 days when your baby has rotavirus.
That first full night of sleep after 65 sleep deprived nights after the newborn comes home.
Clockwork bedtime routines that went from taking 30 minutes to 3 hours because now there are triple the amount of kids involved.
The uncanning wonder on the day you realize you must give your 4 year old 2 baths because "heaven knows" what that smell is?? (that was today for me. I can't imagine what the people behind us in church thought as I kept turning to sniff.)
The giggles you hold back when you need to be stern about something ridiculous they did because they NEED to LEARN.
Questioning yourself about "am I a crazy mom?" after you say "OR I WILL GET THE WAL-MART BAG!" after you've asked them to clean up their toys for the umpteenth time.
The PURE JOY of getting a shower following three days of wearing your hair in a pony tail and reapplying make-up so maybe the world won't see your dark circles because your 6 month old won't stop screaming if you're not holding them and just as you get them down for a nap, the other kids will certainly need something.
Getting past the evil stares of people when they hear you say, "You cannot have any cake until you eat your fruit." -- Hey, were they at your house at 2am when the kid was puking up all the candy they ate the day before?? I AM NOT A BAD MOM FOR THIS!!
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Here's a verse from Bible that I dwell on over again as a Mom is: "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19. This is stated just after the birth of Jesus. I often think about what it says... that she TREASURED and PONDERED them in her heart.
TREASURE.
PONDER.
There was a reason she did that. (OK, aside from the fact that she bore the Savior of the World.) I think that it's a powerful way to look at motherhood. To treasure it. To ponder it. To hold dear to each moment, even the gruesome daily hash that we find ourselves in. I feel that when you take a moment each day to PONDER the beauty, joy, and grace that God shows you through your children that nothing else other than LOVE can flow out.

OK, so I am not the PERFECT MOM. Clearly the perfect mom would not be sharing a photo of herself oblivious to the world, tank top, passed out from motherhood exhaustion, drooling (ha! made you look) .... But I am THEE MOM to three of the most precious little munchkins ever. And aside from our "daily hash" we are making it in this world. I am not the best mom, they are not the best kids. But we love eachother. And I choose to treasure up all these things on ponder them in my heart. Thanks for listening!